Category: Dating and Relationships
You will probably think I'm a complete b*st*rd for admitting this, but that il be nothing new..I'm feeling confused guilty and bloody awful...in the past few months I've developed very strong feelings for a close friend,he's aware of this and hasn't reciprocated though I think if things were different,he might act on his feelings...
..honestly this is not the outcome I was looking for,we were friends close yes, but still only friends...however I can't help wanting more from him however much the idea of cheating appalls me,I've spent far too many days and nights ect,thinking about this guy I should make up some almost plausible excuse and walk away but that's the problem I can't seem to do it ...and believe me I've tried.
Well, don't worry Goblin. I mean, things like this will play themselves out in the end and your true feelings will surface in one way or another. Just take things as they go, and roll with the punches. Good luck.
If my true feelings surface I'll need to emigrate
Lol! Well ... jsut try and make sure they surface in a healthy and reasonable manner, I suppose...
hmmm right I'll sit in a freezing bath for 10 minutes before I see him.
Heheheh ... you're funny Goblin. Well do let us know how it turns out if you want. And us Zone folk are always here for support you know.
I'm being serious pal and eh hmm you may not want the follow up...
No you're funny because of the cold bath bit. And i know you're serious about this. And I'm ready for the follow up whether good or bad.
hmm I know blame it on the red bull
cheers pal.
Bleh Red Bull? Yucko don't liek that stuff.
its wonderful a few gulps and you're ready for anything...wicked smile
It tastes like ... bleh I dunno ... yucky yucky that stuff is.
I think it's quite natural, actually. You can only have one life out of a large number that would probably agree with you, and out of an even larger number that you might crave. The same applies to relationships: usually we're expected to be monogamous (whether that is a social imposition or an evolutionary necessity is a whole other decision), but either way, everyone sees things that also look good to them all the time. It's no surprise that sometimes those desires run away with us a little. Personally I think the whole "one partner for me, one life for me" expectation is an illusion that creates a lot of grief and guilt.
think of your children, they're the important things here, not you, not your girl, not this friend. your one goal in life now should be to provide for and look after your kids. They depend on you 100% They should be reason enough to stay with their mother, and make you strong enough to find a way to walk away from this friendship if it's waht needs to be done.
Just my 2 cents worth, which you were obviously wanting, other wise you wouldn't have posted to a public message board.
while I think that cheating is wrong, I do appreciate that sometimes, people fall in love with other people. We are all human after all and none of us is immune from developing unwanted feelings for another. However, if you love your existing partner, then there is really only one answer, and that is to walk away from this friend. Puggle is right in what she said that your children are your priority as well - I do feel that sometimes staying with a partner for the sake of the children alone is not the right thing, e.g in a relationship where couples constantly argue or if there is violence in the relationship .. staying for the sake of the children can do them more harm than good, however, if the relationship is a loving one, and the reasons for leaving are purely selfish, then the children need to be your priority, as long as you love their mother and staying is not likely to cause long term resentment. I know that the walking away bit is the hardest, because in reality, if it's a friend, walking away means doing just that sometimes, and making a clean break, and that can be the hardest. but with time comes healing, and if you take the alternative option, you will be for ever branded bastard of all times for walking away from your son, and pregnant partner.
Puggle and SugarBaby, you guys make a good point. Even though you might feel tempted by something, that in itself is/probably should be a completely different matter than acting on this temptation. The desire is natural, and has no moral value (i.e. is neither right nor wrong, it just is) but the question of how you deal with it definitely does.
Puggle and co your right and cheating is the last thing on my mind I've been the victim of that 3 times in the past, and the scars took months to heal,so be assured that I'm not even considering that...I will just have to find way of coping with how I feel and eh get myself sorted out .
.cheers a very confused Goblin.
A couple of thoughts; guess you could say my 2 cents... Have you considered talking to your partner about this? She may either (1) approve and be totally ok with it. (2) Help you get through it, and/or (3) Be totally pissed off. Not a guarantee fix/help, but to my way of thinking worth thinking about. Next thought, cheating morally wrong, well yes it is, but my idea of cheating may be totally different from everyone else's here, and Goblin's may be totally different from everybody else's. My point is, though I may not be stating it clearly enough is that we all set our moral bounds, and hold different deffinitions of open ended concepts.
ooooh no no no no no i think telling your partner would be a seriously bad idea. Let's not forget that goblin's partner is in the early stages of pregnancy, and in the early stages of pregnancy, you can be very emotionally vulnerable.
too right Sugar Baby and we have enough on our over piled plate as it is...Ardeth would understand to a point, but why should I inflict my confusion and pain on her.
goblin know that were all praying for you and you have our support anytime you need us. i got your back feel free to pm me if you need to talk. my prayers are with you.
Goblin, you say you have strong feelings for your friend. There is, however, a difference between really liking someone and being in love with them. Are you in love with your woman? If so, then don't you really want to spice things up with her more than you want to leave her for someone new? We all have impulses, but think what it is you really want to do, and also what would be best for your children. Keep in mind that if you're unhappy, they'll feel it too; trust me! Children are very perceptive and know more than their parents give them credit for! You were a child once; think back to your experiences, and think about the experiences of other children. Also, sometimes we want something simply because it is forbidden. Do you actually like this guy, or is it just aluring because it's forbidden? If you really do like this guy, then you can have it as a fantasy outside of sexual relations with your partner (unless she's cool with it otherwise), and redirect most of your sexual energy toward her. Really think about what you and her have (assuming you're in love with her). Come on, how many people haven't looked at another person and said, ooh he/she's hot, even while involved with someone? As for the cold bath thing, why not try taking care of yourself instead? A lot more rewarding, LOL.
thankyou but the problem has been sorted out ...and I resent being preached to, if I ever feel the urge to listen to a moralising sermon, I'll attend church...
Mine was just a suggestion because I know despite pregnancy or whatever you have I'd want mine to tell me who and what feelings he had. LOL. Just me, and I guess sometimes I'm a little more open then a lot of people.
Witchcraft I appreciate that you would want to know but not everyone appreciates the candid approach, often it does more harm that good..
hmmm how would you cope with this scenario, despite my friend and I going our separate ways, I still think about him far more often than is good for either of us,or for my relationship....would you want the stress of knowing your lover is thinking about this woman while his arms are wrapped around you and he's saying I love you.
Goblin wrote: "would you want the stress of knowing your lover is thinking about this woman while his arms are wrapped around you and he's saying I love you." Personally, it really wouldn't bother me unless it was some kind of obsession or ongoing fantasy. Eventually though, if one is really in love, then that person would be able to redirect their sexual energy back to their beloved. Otherwise, perhaps that person isn't really in love. Also, if someone was hiding something from me that was so major, I personally would want to know, and would feel violated if I didn't and later found out. If you're not in love,it's difficult to pretend forever, and I would resent the thought of living a lie whether I was the one lied to or doing the lying. Relationships are based on trust, and to me, if that's not there, then neither is the relationship. I wasn't intending to preach, just to give you ideas, possibilities other than the ones you'd already posted. Sometimes when I'm emotional, I need those ideas because I'm not in the best state to think of them myself. Also, when you see apost on a board, it can be hard to know what the person is looking for by posting. Sorry if I've offended or irritated.
I feel the same. I'd rather know instead of be left wondering, LOL, my husband and I talk about these things all the time, and I think if I'm going to be telling him about the ones I'm attracted for, or even believe I have extra feelings for, then I need to be comfortable with him telling me the same time, but as I have stated, maybe I'm a little wierd. *smile*
no your not even slightly weird..smile I agree if my partner had feelings for another then I'd want details believe me.smile
..if you cant discuss the awkward aspects of a relationship then whats the point of staying together...
things that you cant have are almost perfect, or what you think is perfect but everything has reason thats why we dont get everything we want.